For years, Paul Drayton was known to the public simply as Alan Carr’s husband. Now, following their high-profile split, he’s determined to tell his own story—and says he’s finally ready to show the world who he really is.
In his candid new memoir, Ride – Or Die Trying, the 54-year-old opens up about living in the shadow of fame, his long battle with alcoholism, coming to terms with his sexuality, and the difficult road that ultimately changed his life.
‘I Was More Than Just Alan Carr’s Ex-Husband’
Drayton, who married beloved comedian Alan Carr in 2018 after a decade together, admits that being married to one of Britain’s most recognisable TV personalities often left him feeling invisible.
Speaking about the inspiration behind his memoir, he revealed that many people overlooked him because of his famous former partner.
“In the past, I think I have been overlooked and dismissed because I’m a ‘nobody’. Everyone just knows who I was married to.”
He explained that writing the book was his opportunity to reclaim his own identity.
“I’m not just their ex-husband. I’m my own independent person.”
Drayton also hopes readers will see him as more than someone defined by addiction.
“I want people to know the true me—not just ‘the alcoholic.'”
A Love Story That Captured Headlines
Carr and Drayton’s relationship was one of British entertainment’s most admired romances.
After ten years together, the couple tied the knot in an intimate ceremony in Los Angeles in 2018, with global superstar Adele famously officiating the wedding.
However, their marriage came to an end in 2022 after Drayton was convicted of drink-driving. Shortly afterwards, the couple confirmed they had decided to separate.
Although their split attracted widespread media attention, Drayton says there was much more happening behind the scenes than the public ever realised.
Growing Up Feeling Different
The memoir also explores Drayton’s childhood in Sunderland during the 1970s—a time when he says he struggled to understand his identity.
He recalls loving dressing up at school and experimenting with his mother’s makeup, while simultaneously believing that being gay was somehow “wrong.”
As a teenager, he convinced himself he would eventually marry a woman simply so he could appear “normal.”
Despite dating girls throughout his teenage years, he says he always knew something didn’t feel right.
The Moment Everything Changed
Drayton finally came out as gay when he was 17 during his brother’s stag party after having a few drinks.
Looking back, he now recognises that alcohol gave him the confidence to express feelings he had spent years suppressing.
That moment, however, also marked the beginning of a much longer battle.
He realised alcohol wasn’t simply helping him socially—it became a way of coping with overwhelming anxiety and what was later diagnosed as ADHD.
Describing his racing thoughts as being like “a washing machine,” Drayton explained that he relied on alcohol to quiet his mind, even developing a nightly ritual of drinking hot whiskey with milk to help him sleep.
From Functional Alcoholism to Rock Bottom
What began as occasional drinking gradually developed into decades of dependency.
Drayton estimates he spent around 20 years as what many would describe as a functioning alcoholic before the addiction eventually took complete control.
By 2022, everything came crashing down.
Following his drink-driving conviction and a short period in prison, he says he reached “rock bottom” and described himself as a “broken man.”
Rather than allowing that moment to define him forever, Drayton chose recovery.
Life After Addiction
Today, Drayton says sobriety remains a daily commitment rather than a destination.
While recovery continues to require constant effort, he is proud of how far he has come and hopes his story can encourage others facing similar struggles.
More than anything, Ride – Or Die Trying is his attempt to step out from the shadow of celebrity, reclaim his own voice, and remind readers that every headline has a deeply personal story behind it.
For the first time, Paul Drayton says he isn’t asking to be recognised as Alan Carr’s former husband—only as himself.
